A lot of people have believed the FAKE drama that members of the ABC have been propagating lately. All of those posts you’ve been reading about Owen are (mostly) false. Owen has not dumped anyone from the ABC and nobody has quit. In fact, that post I wrote attacking Owen was written weeks ago and was vetted by ABC members, including Owen. I see that I have been flamed by some people who took it seriously. I can take such flaming, but what upsets me the most is to see the attacks on Owen. The reason for this is because only I know the true Owen. And that is because we have been in a relationship for some time. As my beloved one, I cannot let attacks on my Sat-chan pass. Please read on if you wish to learn the hidden truth about Owen!
Some of you may be aware that Owen has applied to several American colleges. What no one but myself is aware of is that Owen came to New England to visit these schools, where I encountered the ABC leader in person. I offered to accompany him to one school he was thinking about. I went on the appointed day to the airport to pick him up. As the passengers began to disperse, I kept my eyes open for a young Malaysian of Chinese descent. To help with identification, I wore an Anime Boston shirt so I could be easily spotted. But I began to grow concerned when most of the passengers had dispersed, with no sign of Owen himself. Had he made the plane?
I was just about to leave when I heard a soft voice call out to me, “Is that you, DS?” I turned around to see a petite and incredibly attractive Asian girl standing next to me. Her hair glistened in the harsh airport lighting and I observed she was wearing an “I’m Famous on the Internet” T-Shirt. Surprised, I stuttered, “B-but, I was expecting Owen himself to come…” An angelic smile (with just a hint of mischievousness) crossed her face and, suppressing a giggle, she boldly stated, “I AM Owen.” My shock at this revelation can easily be imagined. Owen, aka Saturnine, derided as a dictator, was actually a young girl!?! Was it possible?
Indeed it was. Even today, I am not sure why this gentle beauty has chosen such an aggressive male persona online, because in real life her captivating sweetness has a powerful calming effect on all who meet her. I learned much about her during our weekend together. She is an excellent cook; her favorite color, of course, is pink; and she is addicted to collecting plush animals (she particularly likes ferrets). I asked about her online name, and she revealed they were, in fact, her real names!!! Saturnine Owens got her family name from her English grandfather. She told me the unusual given name was due to the fact that her father was an English professor who loved unusual words. When she was born she proved to be an exceptionally cross baby, and so the name was seen as appropriate. I blushed at this, and asked if I could call her “Sat-chan.” She laughed lightly and grabbed my hand, causing my heart to race. I do not wish to go into private details, but by the time she left for home we had shared many intimate moments and pledged our love.
Since that time, I have played along with her online games, lamenting her need to act out such a role on the internet. I still could not understand why such a gentle, deredere girl felt compelled to act as a jerk online and write such interminable tl;dr posts. Recently, she revealed that her parents had wanted a boy and had always pressured her to be more manly. Unable to act tough in real life, she had experimented online and soon become sadly addicted to her new persona. I have frequently urged her to stop this behavior altogether, but she could not bring herself to do it until just last week. Together we concocted a plan: in the buildup to April Fools, with the help of the ABC, we would fabricate some dorama that would make Owen so hated she would find it impossible to blog as him any further. Even if many did not care, the revelation that it was all a joke would alienate anyone still favorable to Owen.
I now regret this plan. What many of you don’t know is the great pain it has caused my dear Sat-chan. She has called me (long distance) sobbing about all the hate on the internets. I am conflicted. On the one hand, I feel such attacks may be the only thing that can break her addiction to her “Cruel Angel” role. On the other, hearing my beloved beautiful girl in pain is almost more than I can bear. I have decided to reveal the truth now, so that the entire blogosphere can reach out to comfort this troubled soul. I am sorry Sturnine Owens. I thought our plan would help you, but now I feel that only the love of the anime blogosphere can sooth your aching heart. Please, my readers, offer comfort to poor Sat-chan. Like a baby dango, I feel that she must always be cradled in happiness!
Loading ...
I fucking hate you all.
IT’S A TRAP!
There are not enough middle fingers in this world to express my feelings right now.
*wtfroflmaololol*
*dies of laughter*
Gee, I dunnoes WHAT to believe any more …
DS…I..I…I want to be like you when I grow up.
I turned around to see a petite and incredibly attractive Asian girl standing next to me. Her hair glistened in the harsh airport lighting and I observed she was wearing an
Haha, great post. You guys really had me on this, maybe I’m becoming old :D
Best. Animeblogger. April. Fools. Joke. Yet.
Considering that I’ve met the real Owen…. this is just… too… much.
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
OwenS is now a girl that is the truth from here on out I will refer to OwenS as she regardless of the actual state of OwenS’s gonads in recompense for the fake doroma. Let the OwenS and Impz yuri-trap comics flow!
I laughed up a lung.
A lung.
WTF BL confession! DX *covers her eyessss* >_o
That was mean.
Also, DS, where’s your email?
That means my flaming went to waste? Bollocks.
G.A.Y. THAT WAS SO G.A.Y. But I’m laughing so hard my brains are spilling out. I want those yuri-trap comics now!
crusader: I concur!
Why does everyone’s April Fool joke have to make Owen a girl?
PS> I talked to DS at Anime Boston, there is some truth to his post about Owen being a dictator bwahahahah!
This post wins.
d(”d).
Indeed. In-fucking-deed. :P
OVER9000 FANBOYS!!!! xDDDDD Owen, we ought to start our own club for girls on the internets, complete with PMS thereapy. ^_^
Saturnine isn’t a trap, she’s a tsun tsun bishoujo princess.
I’m sorry, but i feel a little broken now… from laughing… all too elaborate!
Lolicon.
Well, I can
Haha I’m so proud of myself that I saw through the whole thing from the start. But I did had losta fun trolling.
You folks should have gotten more people involved to make it more convincing haha.
What a beautiful story! You are a lucky guy, finding someone on the internets!
Everybody, I was going to wait to announce this, but your many comments have induced me to go ahead now: Like Hinano and JP, I can now declare to have found a finance on the internet! We have only been waiting for Sat-chan’s immigration papers to clear so that my bashful bride may join me in America. :)
What if she is just using you for a green card?!?!?! DORAMA RESTART!!!
GAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
I laughed my ass off, and managed to laugh my soul out of my limp body, which is still rolling on the floor… laughing.
Also, with less exaggeration (stalin, hitler), the whole joke thing would have been less obvious ;)
Tl;dr: you cook good pasta.
I might have gotten excited….just a littlefinance?
You mean fianc
Owen as a bishoujo…*facepalm*. God, that was a good one ^^.
totali: Why are you so afraid of that? Embrace it! :D
*holds sides, laughs until a little bit of wee comes out*